With wedding season upon us I thought I’d give some advice for brides and future wives periodically here on the blog.
Today’s advice? It’s ok to stress out about your wedding.
Here’s the thing. It’s a stressful day that represents a huge change in your life. You are, in many ways, giving up your life for someone else’s. You are not (and should not be) giving up all the things you love or only caring about their wellbeing at expense to your own. But you are now in a lifelong partnership where you should be thinking about someone else before yourself. That’s marriage.
And then there’s this whole wedding that happens before that, that is not the most important, but it is a beautiful moment for you and your future spouse and your families (they are in many ways losing you, it’s their day too). Point? There are tons of expectations and issues that need to be addressed for that day to be memorable and meaningful. And it is stressful.
Brides often get a bad wrap about being obsessive or caring about the details too much, when really they’re just trying to make a memorable celebration that they’ll be happy with, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not ok to be demanding and unreasonable and lashing out because a minute detail is out of place. BUT. BUT it is completely NORMAL to stress about things like what colors you choose, making sure that all the vendors get paid and tipped if applicable, figuring out the timeline of the day down to the minute, figuring out how people will be transported from venue to venue, and even the font of your invitation. There are lots of choices, lots of details that need to be in place, and lots of places where things could “go wrong.”
Don’t beat yourself up about being stressed about all of that. And don’t assume you’re being a bridezilla because you explain to the florist that their mockup is not right because no you don’t want (never would want) cardinal red roses in your bouquet.
And if you’re not a bride or groom and you’re reading this, let them stress over these things happen. Telling the bride (or groom) that they should stop stressing and that their stress is useless… that’s a jerky thing to say. And it will not alleviate their feelings.
But let the stress be productive. Let it tell you the things that need to be addressed and changed. Let it get you moving so you can get all those details nailed down (in spreadsheet form if necessary) and established so that you can eventually STOP STRESSING ABOUT IT! Stress is telling you that things need to get done or be changed, so listen to the stress. Don’t just get stressed and take a nap or eat a pint of ice cream (well, do that, AND…), get stressed and do something about it.
And then you have to do something for me. You have to decide that on the wedding day, you will stop stressing.
You’ve stressed ahead of time and worked very hard to make it wonderful, so that you can enjoy the day. That stress helped you get prepared, you did everything, and now stressing during the day is not helpful or useful. And hopefully you can even stop stressing by the rehearsal dinner or the week of the wedding.
Stress can be useful. So use it. Take advantage of all the stress you already leaned into earlier, and then step back and enjoy the day.
Wedding Planning? Are you stressing? Married? Did you stress leading up to your wedding day and on? Or did you let it go?