30 Things: love don’t lose

Here at sometimessheblogs, Wednesdays are for commenting on this list. So let’s get it started.

Number 16 on the list of things I should know before I’m 30:

How to fall in love without losing yourself.

I suppose I’ve been guilty of not knowing this in the past.  Of making compromises in terms of things that were important to me, but because they weren’t important to him I let it slide.  Of bailing on friends for a guy, even though that’s not me.  What’s interesting though, is that when I first read this I thought to myself “I don’t know how to answer this question because I’m married and I don’t know that I know this yet.”  So how could I learn that?  If you don’t learn that before you get married then how do you learn it once you are married when you’re supposed to be one with this person?

But recently I’ve realized that maybe I do know this.

Here’s the thing.  Up until 2 weeks ago The Guns and I had spent the previous 2 years attached at the hip.  Literally.  We lived most of the year on a ship in a 10X12 room.  When we weren’t working we were on vacations, spending weeks at a time travelling by plane and by car to visit friends and family and live (thanks to their gracious spirits and love, but that is another post) in their guest rooms… again with us living in close quarters (not that we’re not eternally thankful to our friends and family… but again, that’s another post altogether).  But 2 weeks ago I left the ship early to go to some training in Seattle, and then I went to Atlanta to spend time with my family while The Guns finished up his contract, and then I finally met back up with The Guns this past Saturday.  When I initially realized that we would be separated from each other for 2 weeks I was very upset and very worried about how I would handle it.  And when I left the ship I was on the verge of some serious tears.  I thought those 2 weeks would be awful.

One time The Guns went on a camping trip after we’d been married for about 8 months and I was very angry about it.  I was sad and angry.  Like, so sad and angry that one night while he was gone I went to the grocery store and bought cookie dough and champagne, specifically Cook’s $3 champagne (some of you know what I’m talking about), and that’s how I handled the guys’ camping trip that weekend, especially since Bravo refused to cuddle with me (seriously… he is not gaining points in the empathetic dog category). 

And all of that is the truth and then I was mad because I felt that way, and how pathetic is that, so there was a lot of anger that weekend.  And so I was pretty sure that meant that in some way I couldn’t be by myself, and doesn’t that also mean that I’ve lost myself a little bit?

Well, maybe it’s that I’m the one who’s gone and doing cool things, not the one who was left behind to contract salmonella and a Cook’s headache, or maybe it’s because we’ve now spent 2 years in very close quarters, or maybe I was just in a rut when The Guns decided to go camping, but whatever it is, I wasn’t devastated this time. Don’t misunderstand, I missed him, and wished every night that he was with me, and it was incredibly wonderful to see him again. But while I was gone I did not show up at the grocery store at 11PM to buy cookie dough.  Not once.

And that’s my litmus test.  That and the fact that unlike in other relationships I feel more comfortable and more like myself in this one… in fact falling in love with The Guns seems to have made me become more like myself, not the reverse.

In other words… falling in love without losing yourself (and becoming chemically dependent on cookie dough…)… CHECK!

How about you?  Can you fall in love without losing yourself?  Also, do you need cookie dough when you’re angry or separated from your loved ones?


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