Don’t try to talk to me about facebook. You, who joined facebook just because you wanted to keep up with your friends and you realized this was the only way to do so. You are talking to someone who joined facebook in the fall of 2004.
That’s right. The only people who joined before me were those snotty facebook friends who went to the bigger, more prominent colleges that were privy to the blue and white Mark Zuckerburg-run social network first.
That’s right. I was there before high school students were invited to join. I was there before all the rest of you who just had to be 13 and up decided to join.
That’s right. I was there before the photo albums. Before facebook statuses. I was there when, if you didn’t put a profile picture up your image was represented by a blue question mark rather than a gender neutral head silhouette. Before networks delineated by city existed. Before the news feed.
I was there when it was thefacebook.com… and there was random text at the bottom of one of the pages that said “what does a quail even look like” and another that said “I’ll think of something to put here.” (seriously, anyone remember this???)
So don’t try to talk to me about facebook. But I will certainly talk to you about facebook, and I will tell you the top 3 facebook rules.
Rule 1- no passive aggressive vaguebooking.
Vaguebookers put some kind of vague and indirect status on their profile. I used to hate this, until I realized that vaguebooking is not actually the problem. It’s when the vaguebookers get passive aggressive.
Acceptable vaguebook: “I’m so happy right now!” It’s vague because we don’t know why you’re happy, but that’s ok, because it’s good that you’re happy.
Unacceptable vaguebook: “I’m so happy right now because all the bad things in my life are finally gone. Good riddance.”
Great, so now all the people in your life are wondering what the bad things are and are commenting and throwing you a pity party. Also, anyone that you may have recently had a run-in with (be it major or minor) gets to wonder if you are angry at them. Don’t be passive aggressive. If you have something to say and it’s directed at someone else, be direct about your statement and address them directly.
Other examples of passive aggressive vaguebooking (that are unacceptable because you are either getting back at someone using your facebook status- because you’re not brave enough to say it to them directly- or you are trying to get people to ask you what’s wrong… which is really annoying.) include:
“Susie Smith doesn’t know if she can handle this.”
“Jack Thompson wishes people would mind their own business.”
Rule 2- no negative mention of workplace or co-workers.
I know you need to vent, but annoying comments about where you work or who you work with have a really good chance of getting back to people, bosses, etc. Doesn’t matter if you delete, it still has the potential to exist online FOREVER! (cue supremely awesome Sandlot clip).
Seriously though, you can get fired and/or ruin work relationships over this. And it’s way different than someone hearing you say something disparaging, because this is in writing. Yeah, you can do all kinds of privacy protection things but do you really trust facebook to be foolproof ? Isn’t it easier to just not say it online? I submit that it is.
Rule 3- don’t use me as a facebook pawn.
We haven’t talked in real life for a long time, we’re barely acquaintances. But I happen to be fb friends with you and one of your ex-fbfriends (probably and ex-significant other) so all of the sudden you’re posting on my wall and commenting on my photos? Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing. You are trying to make it so that your ex-fbfriend will see your fb activity on MY fb stuff. You are trying to make it look like we’re in real life bffs – and we’re not even fb-bffs – to get your ex-fbfriend’s attention.
Whoa, I almost lost my train of thought.
Any other super-important, must-be-followed facebook rules??