If you’ve read my previous post about my aversion to marriage in the early twenties, you’re probably wondering how I’ve reconciled my current actions with that idea.
First, I have to admit something. I used to pride myself in being ok with getting married in my late twenties and potentially my early thirties, which is fine, but it meant that I almost looked down on people I knew who were getting married out of college or in their early 20s. That was so cliché, you know?
I obviously don’t feel that way anymore, but even now I worry about people (myself) getting married too young. What if she’s only doing it because she can’t get a good job? What if she’s only doing it because she’s tired of the dating grind? What if it just seems like the next right thing to do? These are the things I’ve thought about people, and these are the things I worry people will think about me. And there’s so much talk about how you need to do all those great things (travel, pursue a dream career, live in NY) before you “settle down.”
There’s truth to some of those things. Travelling for two is more costly, and then there’s the steadiness of jobs that keep us from being spontaneous. Major life decisions/career moves aren’t up to just you, now you have your spouse to think about as well. Pursuing a performing career will look a lot different now that I’ve decided to marry.
Here’s the thing. I’ve met this person that I literally cannot wait to be with everyday. I can go a day or a week or a month without him, but that’s not what I want. I know we’re still in that phase of romantic, can’t get enough of you love, and that it’s not always going to be “rainbows and sunshine” or evenings spent gazing into each other’s eyes (actually, we don’t do that now… when does that happen?), but I don’t care, because I just want to do life with him. And everything else just doesn’t seem as important.
No worries, I still have my passions and a career (TBA) to pursue, but I’m lucky to have someone who isn’t telling me to stop auditioning and grow up. And maybe I am younger than I thought I would be, but I can still make the commitment and follow through.
J used to worry that I stayed in Fort Worth for him, and that I’m not as happy as I would be if I were somewhere else. My answer to that is that if I were somewhere else I would just be wondering about when we would be together… well that doesn’t really seem fun either.
I look back at my judgments of other people and realize that I really had no clue what I was talking about… no one but the two people standing at the altar can really know if it’s right or if it’s for the right reasons. We can look and say “they’re too young,” or “It’s not financially sound” or “they should enjoy being without responsibility instead of signing up for a lifetime commitment,” and sometimes we’d be right. But not one of those things means the marriage is doomed.
So maybe my story isn’t going exactly as I thought it would at 16. There’s a lot that I still want to do… but putting that ring on my finger doesn’t mean that my life is over, it just means that J and I get to help each other live the best life possible. Together.
And yes, I am aware of the sappiness of that last sentence…. Another thing I swore I’d never be. I didn’t know anything at 16.