I had my second bridal shower this weekend… it was fabulous!
But more on that later.
As I was opening presents, just like I did at my first shower, and just like I will continue to do as I open any wedding-related gift, I made sure I did not break any bows. I was so adamant about this that I’m pretty sure some people got frustrated with me.
As I’m taking twenty minutes to untie a particularly tricky bow…“just because you break a bow doesn’t mean you’ll have kids right away.”
I am not taking any chances.
My maternal instinct has yet to kick in… I like kids and I think they’re funny and entertaining, but that whole desire to be responsible for another person for the rest of my life thing… that has not happened yet.
And I’m wondering if it will. I know that sounds a little naïve for a 23-year-old to say, but that’s my point. If I’m not feeling it now, then how do I know it’s going to appear at any point? Since I was a teenager I’ve had friends who just really want to be a mom, and I think that’s great, but I could not relate. And the more I thought about it, I realized that I couldn’t control if I was going to get married at all, much less when, and I certainly couldn’t control whether or not I would be able to have kids… so why should I make that my dream? For me, I had to figure out whether or not I was going to get married (and when and to whom) before I could even think about procreating.
So now I know that I am getting married, and when, and to whom, but I’m still not sure of anything except that if we have kids it’s not happening soon. At least not if I have anything to do with it.
Luckily, I’m young enough that J and I aren’t getting very many “so do you want to have kids?” questions. But it does come up sometimes.
We are in pre-marital counseling with a great couple from our church, and they have two young daughters. After one meeting where we got to know each other, we came back for our first session of discussion: God’s purposes of marriage.
In case you didn’t know, one of those purposes is to create a solid structure for children to be raised up in and to pass faith down to future generations. So the question arose:
“So what are you guys thinking about kids?”
Awkward uncomfortable stares from both of us…
“er, yeah, uh… we’re not sure.”
Great, now we get to tell you why we’re not sure that we want to have kids at all, much less anytime soon. This is the equivalent of trying to explain why you don’t really like puppies.
I’m making it sound worse than it was. They understood our fears concerning parenthood. And the question of whether or not we want to be parents, and when is difficult to answer, and our uncertainty surprises people.
So… yeah, I guess until we figure that one out, we can just plead the fifth.